Most of you reading this know by now, that I work clinically as a Marriage & Family Therapist, as well as a Yoga Instructor – two platforms through which I share strongly my passions and dedication to work that I believe can encourage resilience and healing for all.
Much of my specialization aligns with a deep-seeded connection to women & their families, many of whom are “stuck” in the midst of transitions. Some navigating expected life-cycle stages (like “Empty Nesting” or job ambiguity), others are traveling (or meandering) through a hell of a surprise. Generally, those I work with the most are recognizing that Anxiety, Shame, or Stress has amplified due to their experiences.
At times, their presenting issues inhabit as physiological symptoms, and they seek help to make meaning out of what has manifested in their physical body from the emotional duress. For some, their somatic expressions are derivatives of grief and loss. For others, it is due to chronic low self-esteem or an inner critic positioned from early childhood. For many, these kinds of representations equate to what we have come to identify as trauma.
“Trauma” will be referred to in this blog post as the umbrella under which many may argue that a majority of our mental health issues fall – being that it is as simply defined as: “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.” There’s no question that when put in this context, it is rather difficult to debate the likelihood that each of us, at some point, has experienced traumatic things, or have perhaps been enveloped by them. (*To clarify, I recognize that not all distressing events cause trauma nor are inherently “traumatic.” Though for the purpose of this piece I will be using the term as it is utilized across many disciplines including Psychology, Education, and Research.)
Furthermore, within the parameters of ‘Mental Health & Yoga,’ there has been a more recent and profound shift exploring how the negative impacts of trauma may be managed with tools these entities provide. This shift has happened in part and with thanks to technology and social media. While of course, the trauma field and its many techniques towards recovery is not new.
Long-time scholars and researchers such as Dr. Judith Herman, Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, Dr. Peter Levine, Dr. Bruce Perry (did you catch Oprah’s 60-Minutes convo with him a few Sundays ago?), the list goes on. And another name. A name also linked to this panel of experts around his fruitful research efforts and studies pertaining to EMDR (eye-movement desensitization processing) and other empirically-based modalities of healing trauma. A name most recently exploited all over the internet around trauma – that name being – Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s (BVDK) book, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind & Body in the Healing of Trauma, has certainly made a name for itself since published a few years ago. I read it just last July, as I was attending the Summer Institute Conference on Cape Cod, organized by the Trauma Center. It continues to be a book I reference and discuss with clients, as it is quite exceptional. The Trauma Center, based in Brookline, Massachusetts, is a program run out of the Justice Resource Institute in Needham. The Trauma Center was run by (now former) Medical Director BVDK, up until January of this year. (You can refer to the article published by the Boston Globe earlier this month).
And know that from here on in, I am not going to spend much more time on the specifics of the allegations made of BVDK. At this point they are still being examined, investigated, discovered – including that all of which are being denied by BVDK and several of his close colleagues. He is rightfully putting out his own defenses against the “denigration and bullying” claims. However, over time I plan to return to the surmounting evidence (as I would with any alleged case) as it continues to be distributed to the masses.
Others within the field of trauma have spoken out around the allegations. Two of whom I credit much of my developing professional orientation in Therapy and Yoga: Dr. Bo Forbes (Psychologist and Yoga Teacher) and David Emerson (Trauma Center | Trauma-Sensitive Yoga Director; who also developed with BVDK an empirical study which indicated significantly positive results of trauma-sensitive yoga as an adjunctive, therapeutic tool for trauma survivors, as compared to psychotherapy and psychotropic medication alone). Forbes and Emerson have shared their letters and personal thoughts about the matter on social media and their domains. Forbes’ sentiments have spoken more towards her personal (witnessing) history of BVDK with his staff, clients, and other admirers. Both though, shared and reminded in their wisdom that regardless of whatever allegations have been made (none of which are yet concluded – can they be? will they be?), the work continues. They encourage that we engage with this experience, as with any other, and dig a little deeper into our fields of compassion towards those who have (reportedly) been under this denigration, and towards those who have (reportedly) aggressed.
Does it matter who it was?
Does it matter who it is that uses his/her power over another? I’d argue that whomever uses their power differential to implicate an act of aggression towards someone else is in the wrong. In Psychology (and various other disciplines), we learn that cycles of abuse and other faulty patterns of behavior occur so often among those who know one another (Relative-Child, Spouse-Spouse, Employer-Subordinate, etc.) Be it emotional, physical, or mental – we are often facing clients in our therapy rooms (and yoga studios) whose experiences have been the result of, at minimum, being close to someone by proximity.
My husband asked after I shared the news, “Do you think it’s inevitable for our heroes disappoint us?”
What makes them a hero in the first place?
If we hold a certain person or group up on a pedestal (which many of us start to do with our earliest caregivers pending the nurturance received), there presents a power shift almost immediately. They’re up, I’m down. They’re knowledgeable, I’m learning. They’re strong, I’m weak. It becomes quite easy to make it more about opposition than integration.
On another hand, we must be able to identify in some way with the heroes of our lives. Consider how we humanize deities and ancient gods (possibly your current point of faith, or even a beloved pet). On some level, to look up to something or someone, there needs to be a stance of relevance keeping us captivated. That keeps my eyes focused on admiration and curiosity. And when we see the highlight reels on the news about “Firefighter entering burning building to save 9,” or, “Local resident commits 20 hours of volunteer time each week,” and so many more, we consider, “Hey, that could be me.”
“Wow, I want to live up to that kind of kindness.”
We speak to the ways in which these people amaze us, because we wonder if we could in time, mirror their growth. Their love. Their knowledge. Their generosity.
And then, if and when these same folks – or those similar – across other news stories begin to degrade, stumble, or even fall. Perhaps we observe an adult screaming in a child’s face. We hear about an elderly person being mistreated in her own home by healthcare staff. We think, “How could they?”
“I never would have guessed.”
Undoubtedly, there are offenses to which we cringe in agony; we could never believe someone is capable of such misdemeanor. But we also consider, “Hey, could that be me?”
“Wow, I hope I never sink so low.”
We speak to the ways in which these people insult us. How they affront our hope. Because we wonder if we could in time, mirror their malevolence. Their intolerance. Their negligence. Their absurdity.
Trauma-sensitive or Trauma-Informed (I like to refer to it all as Human-Informed) modalities include the building of one’s awareness to themselves. Of rooting down in the (challenging) simplicity of facing oneself. Our full self. Breath. Meditation. Self-Kindness. Such techniques are irrefutably important. What’s more, they are relevant and making powerful strides in how we therapeutically treat individuals, couples, children, and families.
And to those who have allowed for such validation. Whose research and work and time spent during a majority of their academic and professional careers has helped shape the field of trauma for clinical excellence. Thank you. Such fundamental efforts need to be acknowledged.
And yet – brilliance is no excuse.
Those who have helped catapult progress need not be up on that pedestal forever. Too risky a position. Not sustainable as a human being.
As illustrative as some of the issues are that clients bring into my office, they are in each of their own ways a universal experience. A human experience. A thread which connects us all in the tapestry of life – and so, even within the depths of one’s darkest times or confessions, for those I work with, part of the trauma-sensitive treatment I provide must stir from within my own depths, and be revealed as a shared connection. A seat of compassion allowing for true healing to begin – meeting my client where they are at. Good|Bad|Neutral. I hope to continue exploring my self-compassion so that I can bestow the same unto everyone I meet.
Can you?