Here’s a little exercise I posted recently on my Instagram page.

Something to explore: Find a comfortable seat – either on a couch, a chair, or the ground. Cross your ankles or legs if that feels okay in your body. Same with your fingers, hands, arms. Place them in a crossed position in your lap.

All set?

Great!  Now switch the cross of everything.

Yep – turn your seat to face the opposite direction. (If it’s a couch against a wall, find a furniture item oriented another way.) Unfold and re-cross your feet and hands. Move towards an atypical posture. Remember to breathe. Stay here. Find a few more rounds of breath – and be here.

Is it actually uncomfortable or simply unusual (and can you still feel safe residing in the latter)?

This might be something you practice in other ways (I’ll offer a few suggestions at the end of this post.) As we build up windows of tolerance to experiences and situations, we more easily identify certain ruts or patterns that we’ve maintained, even when no longer useful. “No longer useful” does not always change behaviors; when something feels familiar, we can often find comfort in it. There’s a particular predictability, and this may mistakenly resemble a sense of control. (E.g. finding the same cross-legged seat every time we come to our yoga mat.)

Strategic Family Therapists (SFT) discovered that at times, offering paradoxical interventions – such as prescribing the symptom – can motivate an individual to alter her point of view/patterns regarding mental health issues. For example, if “Molly” describes herself for several sessions, as “Anxious,” an SFT might assign Molly the task of purposefully cultivating high levels of her anxiety during the first 15 minutes of every morning for a week straight. The intention behind the intervention being that, Molly might begin to better isolate the presenting symptom (Anxiety), and in intensifying it voluntarily, she can make a choice: to remain with said symptom throughout her day, as a familiar woe to her stress and her relationships, or, to observe how the Anxiety holds false power over daily living. Which, might then lead her towards a sense of relief, as she learns to detach from its intensity (due to the provocative homework assignment). In acknowledging a deliberate shift of her system, of her habit, Molly realizes that, ultimately her intrapersonal power is strong enough to create positive change. She realizes that Anxiety is merely a symptom, no longer an identifier.

My father has been known to quip, “Judge people by what they are consistent in.” I don’t take that quote lightly; it can be powerful for us to monitor ourselves and how our habits might be perpetuating into (un)healthy rhythms, and to gauge if they need adjusting. I’d urge, that we try to do so with self-compassion. With self-love. If self-judgment becomes harsh, and manifests into self-blame, can we use support (like a therapist), to actually approach ourselves with rich curiosity? With growing awareness of our tendencies?

Many of us experience sleep disruption as a symptom of stress or worry, and it can affect greatly our mental health & well being. I ask every client about their evening/bedtime routine for assessment purposes. And, if they describe “overthinking,” “insomnia,” or “restlessness” during most nights, we begin to unpack what might maintain these issues. Surely, television/iPads/iPhones – screens in our lives can play a big role. Though, in addition to technology, it’s amazing how many people recite what they try to pack into the night. What they try and do before bed:

• Workout.
• Answer emails.
• Clean up the playroom.
• Make tomorrow’s lunches.
• Compare oneself to others on a social media scroll.
• Brush teeth, wash face, use the bathroom, and lay down.

Aside from the last hygienic step there, how much of this productivity is necessity, and how much of it is habit?  How much feels easy or comfortable, because we’ve done it every night the last ‘X’ amount of days/weeks/months/years??

Surely, for some, working out a night is the time they have to do so. Yes, it makes the most sense to clean somewhat around the home after kids are in their own beds, when not playing with their toys. And while I would personally rather make lunches in the morning, because I like to give myself a buffer in the a.m. for such tasks, for some (like my husband), making meals the night prior is the easiest way for him to hit ‘snooze’ on the alarm come 6 o’clock.

So, maybe it’s not changing everything listed there. Could you begin with one? Could it be one thing you find to reduce or eliminate from your end-of-night regimen? One thing that you shift to earlier in the evening, so that you can give yourself more rest time? Something your partner might help you with so as to alleviate all the pressure?

Asking someone to alter their perspective is a challenge in itself. It’s like we present someone with a risk, and they need to decide if they are willing to take it or not. This risk is that we’re asking ourselves to step out of our way, and approach our habits from a new light. You may self-inquire, “Wasn’t I doing enough?”

Gathering info about one’s sleep/bedtime routines is helpful for me on a fundamentally, clinical level. I try and express to clients that addressing their routines is less about grading their abilities for self-care, and more about understanding best how such habits affect them (perhaps negatively, neutrally, and sometimes positively). This information can help us in treatment to develop skills that will reduce your stress, and improve your rest. This information can be a tool to help point you in a healthier direction of overcoming obstacles that perhaps you didn’t even realize were barriers to your overall mental health and wellness.

Here are a few other quick tips to practice building up windows of tolerance in your daily routines.

• If drinking a cup of coffee is the first thing you do in the morning, try a cup of warm water with lemon, and wait an hour before the caffeine.
• If music is always playing in your car, try a silent commute to and from work.
• Aim to try one new movement/exercise on the days you workout this week. E.g. if you normally run, try yoga, Pilates, or dancing.
• If you workout at nighttime, try working out this week during the morning.
• If you find yourself on the “social media scroll” for hours-on-end, try deleting those apps this week from your phone. Or give yourself a timer at least 2 hours prior to your usual bedtime to put screen-related items away. Instead, draw. Write. Read. Meditate.

Ask yourself after one week … do any of these better support me and my family? Can I tolerate exploring how to cultivate an authentic sense of self – by exploring my modes of habit?