Sometimes it feels as though we are sandwiched between these two places, no?  It can be a situation, feeling, or person that sets off our our ‘fight/flight/freeze’ reaction under duress.  As with most, the experience below is unique, relative only to each person’s (in this case, my) autonomic nervous system and subsequent reactions in place.  Our physiological response is something that we are born with, and certainly not without major input as developed in utero.  Through the womb’s absorption of specific nutrients, hormones, and the very emotional regulation/stress patterns of the woman who carries us, we are destined from an evolutionary perspective to embody particular ways of responding to stress.

Whenever I have heard or read the phrase “between a rock and hard place,” immediately I projected in my mind, a self-distorting image of my own body pressed between these physical structures, with my face clenched tight.  The view changes only minutely when my facial expression changes, representing whatever current attached feeling I have:  fear, anger, sadness, hopelessness, frustration, worry, disappointment, etc.  Although, as of late – even as I found myself positioned there again – the image in my mind has expanded.  It is as if I, as the witness to my own personal struggle, has taken a large step back.  I have space now to observe more than the tightness that surrounds me.  Behold, there is actually space above my head, from which to escape the bind.

I’m not saying things are necessarily any clearer.  Nor that future stumbles are to be avoided.  With full transparency, I have recently discovered that in the way of my application for licensure as a Marriage & Family Therapist, stands another 3-credit graduate course (which, I had mistakenly presumed was completed).  *Insert my first mental image here.  “Ugh!” I cry, “this pushes me back by months!  I was hoping to achieve this goal in 2017!  What does this say of me??”

And so I thought.  And thought.  And undoubtedly shed some tears of sadness and agitation.  And then thought again.  “Wow.  The overall resolution of such a glitch has nearly been figured out in a matter of a week.”  And I breathed.  And I even slept.  I’ve had fun while knowing over the last 7 days that my track towards this achievement has absolutely taken a significant turn.  But I have been able to become more witness to my experience.  It is as though I have used the boulders on either side of me, leveraging myself, to climb out.

And, my personal fight/flight/freeze response has demonstrated a shift, too.  With so many thanks to mindful practices like yoga, deep belly breathing, and other self-care tools, I find that my reaction to things, even towards things initially as discouraging as this, my reaction is what saves me.  I could lie and state that it never bothered me in the first place, but I’m not going to cheat enlightenment for sake of the disillusioned glow of perfectionism.  HUMANity is where I am.  We share in the sufferings.  And they are measurable in their intensity based on each of us alone.  This one for me, is hard.  But I’m here.  I’m still breathing.  I’m researching the right ways, engaging with the appropriate people, to make sure this continues to be a lesson learned, and not solely a misstep after which only an injury remains.  I recently posted about the same sentiment from Jon Sinclair, “Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.”

Furthermore, in the scope of embodying all sides, and all waves of my life, “this” doesn’t say anything of who I am.  THAT’s the point, right?  Our actions are behavior.  Our REactions are the soul’s work.  If every blunder (or success for that matter) proved the kind of person we are, then there could be no more witness of the self.  As there only could be masks that we wear, laden over the land.  Each of us only living life in the worst kind of way:  under a falsehood of our own truths.

Find your gratitude, even in the hard places.  Do the work to climb out.  Sometimes, you can do it alone.  Sometimes it takes those around you to help lift you up.  In your personal journey, learn the ways that help reduce your reaction to angst, and thrive instead.  That’s what proves the kind of person you are.  Do your thing, and be well.  If time adds on (and you certainly have little control over that) then fill what space you gain with love, and light.  Breathe.  I’m here for you, too.