While I’m not a big believer of New Year resolution-making (due to the high volume of unreasonable expectations we seem to place on ourselves), I do believe in creating goals. I also believe that any time we meditate with a guide (via an app, person, or mantra), utilize visualizations, recite affirmations, or write journal entries, we employ necessary Action Steps – be them large or small – which ultimately support us reaching goals with greater ease.
Sometimes, the simplest step towards a goal includes a shift in our perspective on it. Ever tried the powerful modification from “I have to” to “I get to,” with regards to tasks/jobs/responsibilities? Haven’t heard of it? Give it a try for a few weeks! Example: When you are preparing for work (even on the eve of what I have recently heard are called the ‘Sunday Scaries’), say out-loud to yourself: “I get to go to work tomorrow. I get to earn money to support myself and/or my family. I get to use my able-body and walk across this parking lot into the store.”
Point being, that culling gratitude in our lives is both vital and requires action. If you find it difficult, I promise that like most things, over time, it will get easier! It will remain, however – forever – an action–oriented choice. Just like brushing our teeth is technically a decision we make, it feels more like habit as we have been doing it for decades. Habits eventually become more natural. More Innate.
Clients will sometimes reveal that they “know” (while pointing to their head) that gratitude and thankfulness are actions they can use to support growth in other ways. Just like many of us “know” (tapping our finger to our heads) on an intellectual, cognitive level, that certain things support our wellbeing (such as plenty of water, sleep, and movement). Translating this “knowing” to feeling it in our hearts and following through on steps can be a barrier difficult for many to overcome. But fear not – it does not need to remain impossible!
Even if appreciation is not your immediate goal – I hope you can apply these tips towards any goal of your choosing. (Which feel most helpful for you?):
- Say Thank
You to the Universe. Saying ‘Thank
You’ to the Universe is something I am consciously working on during 2019. Specifically, I am aiming to have it be the
first thing I say in the morning, and the final thing I say as I go to
bed. This offering is something many
ascribe to throughout their practices of daily living and gratitude, and it can
be essential to supporting the goal-setting process. Whether you want to be mindful of how you
communicate with your spouse, establish a movement routine for your body, or
increase the time you spend with friends, saying ‘Thank You’ can equate to recognizing
our contentment in life. It fulfills in that
we are honoring what we currently have and who we currently are, instead of seeking
outwardly. We say Thank You to celebrate
‘enoughness.’ In Yogic philosophy, such contentedness
is known as ‘Santosa.’
- Write
Down – and Describe – Your Goal. It
does not technically have to be in writing,
but I strongly encourage any of us to make a creative, brain-to-paper effort of
organizing our goals. You might feel
more artistic and set up a visual of your dream by drawing or painting. It could be logically structured by way of a
bulleted list, a creation of Ven diagram, or even with an Excel document
(thinking of one of my sisters on this one).
Describing the goal from a future-oriented standpoint is helpful. Include details about the emotions you wish to feel as you have
achieved your goal. Mike Dooley speaks
to this in his book, Infinite Possibilities. Example:
“I embrace a sense of calm and
peace around family, thanks to my daily meditation practice.”
- Backtrack
from your Goal with Action Steps. Like
any physical exercise program, so must the mind endure training preparations so
that visualizing and additional goal-setting can work well. Consider that Action Steps are like reps at
the gym, which you use to build up muscular strength (only in this case, the
muscle is your mind). The more steps you
include, and the more focused you become on climbing those smaller steps, the
greater the likelihood that your subconscious seeds become fruits of
reality. Example: “My
goal is to build ideal boundaries with my in-laws. Action Step – read a book about boundaries; Action
Step – practice boundary-affirming language and actions with friends who can
offer me healthy feedback.”
- Celebrate Your Wins. I find this one essential! And, be mindful that a “win” does not need to
be measurable by anyone’s standards except you. That is, someone’s view of your progress is
less important (unnecessary, really) than your own heartfelt connection to
moving along your journey. Now, it certainly can be valuable to share
your experience with others – be you’re your celebrations along the way, or your
goal that’s achieved – it feels good to share our growth! At the same time, know that you don’t owe
anyone an update. Remember that progress
is not often linear, so honoring the evolution will be important. Example:
“I am so grateful for my win; I
shifted language around boundaries. I am
learning to understand that ‘No’ is a complete sentence. I do not have to commit extra time with (
____ person) simply because they say they need me.”
- Close the Door on Self-Judgement. Goal-setting isn’t always easy! Especially if it’s a new one, or one that you’ve attempted before. Cycles of our inner dialogue can quickly spiral into the negative. I find the simplest way of deactivating my self-judgment is to be curious with myself. Asking questions like “When can I find the time to write this week?” around a journaling goal is much kinder than, “I can’t believe I haven’t written for more than 5 days. I’m such a failure.” Frame words around your goal-setting in the same way you’d encourage a loved one. If there’s doubt in your progress, become aware, and instill a sense of comfort by remembering your own humanness. Example: “It’s been such a full week of work, I realize it was more challenging to make time for my desired workouts. I am confident that I can create a system over the next few days that will support that step.”
Examples in this post are simply examples (some of which are of my own explorations). Have fun working on your own Thank Yous, Visualizations, Action Step Structuring, Celebration Wins, and Self-Compassion. I wish you the most curious experience in developing your next goals!