I came across a Carl Jung quote recently: “Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but as you touch a human soul be just another human soul.”
A Swiss psychiatrist from the 20th century whose early career is linked to Psychoanalysis and Sigmund Freud, Jung differentiated himself in the world of Psychology after developing his work around collective unconscious, archetypes and dreams. His work is profoundly deep and thorough. I hope to dive more into his work in 2020.
It’s been a January-kind-of week with clients entering sessions processing some difficult family terrain post-holidays, as well as stressors around the media-impacted resolution expectations. I’ve always viewed a major part of my job as ‘fellow traveler,’ witnessing by proxy one’s experience and sitting alongside as they navigate these stories of their life. The narratives like, “I can’t believe Aunt so-and-so acted this way again,” or “each time I make a resolution, I’m bound to fail, but I do want to move towards something.”
It takes much patience to listen to one’s story and not interject. The “fixer” part in me still exposes herself from time to time and so I cull the image of a wise elder leaning the side of her face into her palm on the armrest, and I breathe. Mustn’t stop the flow of consciousness, here. Just look and feel this vibration as they come to their own insights – true beauty.
My clinical effectiveness is a familiar theme in supervision. He’ll gently inquire, “And does that client* want the tools that you’re suggesting?” I sink against the couch cushions. It’s a threat, at first. My chest rises and gut pits out and mental chatter quickens. “I always try to tell them to ‘take what they need and then leave the rest.'”
“I believe you mean that, Carly.”
He’s seeing more than me. He’s seeing into my process. He offers no other words, here. He’s patient.
My breath slows. I space my thoughts. “I wonder if she comes into therapy without an intent to change.“
This thought is heartbreaking to me. The chatter returns.
Why would someone come and see me over a period of a year if not to try and change their struggles? Everyone’s capable of change. People are good. People are resilient. People must want to change. Why am I charging this person if she tells me the same things over and over and — ?
He’s seeing more than me, again. He’s in my process. He offers patient words, here. “You’re with her, Carly.”
I’m with her. I am a fellow traveler on the ride of her life. I employ Narrative theory one week, with a dabbling of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy the next. We meditate together and I ask her how she kindly moves her body or if she’d like to implement a breath practice. We grieve her losses together. And not simply of those who have died but the parts of her that feel like they have died and we instead revive them, & invite them into the process. She gets angry and cries. She feels shame and spaces out. She acts like nothing bothers her. Everything is a bother.
I must simply be there with her.
On the other side of the room with my heart open. With my energy clear and exposed to the infliction of pain she endures. There may never be change.
And change is not the point. Not entirely.
I want to be able to support my clients wholeheartedly. I want to nurture a space that feels safe for them to discover what they need for their process. At times it will be a short-term number of hours together where they identify the importance of moving from A to B and forge their path succinctly. On other occasions it will be a gradual exploration of ups and downs and sideways stories that impact their daily living, for which they recognize patterns (or not) and move forward and backward or not at all.
I commit to being there with you. To enact as a fellow soul in this world. A world that often can feel unnerving or raw, solitary, confusing, infuriating or heart-wrenching. What I want matters a hell of a lot less, and this I am unlearning every day. Every session.
[*The above client is a compilation of several folx with whom I have worked over the last 6 years. I thank each of my clients for teaching me invaluable lessons such as soul-sitting.]