Author: carlymcdade

Sometimes it feels as though we are sandwiched between these two places, no?  It can be a situation, feeling, or person that sets off our our ‘fight/flight/freeze’ reaction under duress.  As with most, the experience below is unique, relative only to each person’s (in this case, my) autonomic nervous system and subsequent reactions in place.  Our physiological response is something that we are born with, and certainly not without major input as developed in utero.  Through the womb’s absorption of specific nutrients, hormones, and the very emotional regulation/stress patterns of the woman who carries us, we are destined from an evolutionary perspective to embody particular ways of responding to stress.

Whenever I have heard or read the phrase “between a rock and hard place,” immediately I projected in my mind, a self-distorting image of my own body pressed between these physical structures, with my face clenched tight.  The view changes only minutely when my facial expression changes, representing whatever current attached feeling I have:  fear, anger, sadness, hopelessness, frustration, worry, disappointment, etc.  Although, as of late – even as I found myself positioned there again – the image in my mind has expanded.  It is as if I, as the witness to my own personal struggle, has taken a large step back.  I have space now to observe more than the tightness that surrounds me.  Behold, there is actually space above my head, from which to escape the bind.

I’m not saying things are necessarily any clearer.  Nor that future stumbles are to be avoided.  With full transparency, I have recently discovered that in the way of my application for licensure as a Marriage & Family Therapist, stands another 3-credit graduate course (which, I had mistakenly presumed was completed).  *Insert my first mental image here.  “Ugh!” I cry, “this pushes me back by months!  I was hoping to achieve this goal in 2017!  What does this say of me??”

And so I thought.  And thought.  And undoubtedly shed some tears of sadness and agitation.  And then thought again.  “Wow.  The overall resolution of such a glitch has nearly been figured out in a matter of a week.”  And I breathed.  And I even slept.  I’ve had fun while knowing over the last 7 days that my track towards this achievement has absolutely taken a significant turn.  But I have been able to become more witness to my experience.  It is as though I have used the boulders on either side of me, leveraging myself, to climb out.

And, my personal fight/flight/freeze response has demonstrated a shift, too.  With so many thanks to mindful practices like yoga, deep belly breathing, and other self-care tools, I find that my reaction to things, even towards things initially as discouraging as this, my reaction is what saves me.  I could lie and state that it never bothered me in the first place, but I’m not going to cheat enlightenment for sake of the disillusioned glow of perfectionism.  HUMANity is where I am.  We share in the sufferings.  And they are measurable in their intensity based on each of us alone.  This one for me, is hard.  But I’m here.  I’m still breathing.  I’m researching the right ways, engaging with the appropriate people, to make sure this continues to be a lesson learned, and not solely a misstep after which only an injury remains.  I recently posted about the same sentiment from Jon Sinclair, “Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.”

Furthermore, in the scope of embodying all sides, and all waves of my life, “this” doesn’t say anything of who I am.  THAT’s the point, right?  Our actions are behavior.  Our REactions are the soul’s work.  If every blunder (or success for that matter) proved the kind of person we are, then there could be no more witness of the self.  As there only could be masks that we wear, laden over the land.  Each of us only living life in the worst kind of way:  under a falsehood of our own truths.

Find your gratitude, even in the hard places.  Do the work to climb out.  Sometimes, you can do it alone.  Sometimes it takes those around you to help lift you up.  In your personal journey, learn the ways that help reduce your reaction to angst, and thrive instead.  That’s what proves the kind of person you are.  Do your thing, and be well.  If time adds on (and you certainly have little control over that) then fill what space you gain with love, and light.  Breathe.  I’m here for you, too.

Hi there, readers.  It is with great honor and gratitude, that today I can reflect on the continued manifestation of not only this blog, but also the development of my business, EmBodyed Tides.  Goal being: to provide family therapy services as well as individual/group private yoga instruction, as tools for deliberate and authentic living.  Some have asked about the name.  Well, what’s in a name, anyways?  Believe me when I say, that I was never the child who envisioned herself as a woman starting a business.  Even seeing that in writing makes me feel slightly uncomfortable.  But, I am actively practicing to sit with such discomfort.  And, all the while, it is incredibly exciting to be fostering professional passions, around which I hope to serve others.  To be carrying out these next steps with my daughter and son witness to the empowering position of entrepreneurship.  (*Insert next seat of discomfort and vulnerability, here).

It was about one year ago, at the end of my first yoga teacher training, when I decided to begin this blog.  I had spent the bulk of that year embraced by and absorbing into some of most prodigious practitioners, mentors, and texts of yoga magic.  While I ‘found’ a more methodical practice back in 2008, in so many ways before then it had already saved me.  I have expressed to you before, that I realized inevitably during my training, that yoga itself has shown up to be a profoundly intrinsic exploration and journey of un-learning.  In the sense that yoga is a part of being, not accomplishing.  In the sense that it is a part of something that we are, not what we do.

I began my counseling experience officially in 2010, when I entered graduate school for Clinical & Counseling Psychology, with a concentration in Marriage and Family Therapy.  Informally, I have worked with families since the age of 13, which is when I began babysitting.  And perhaps prior to that, considering the very structure of my immediate family; I tend to thrive when surrounded by others.  At least to a certain extent – I am also actively practicing to respect my alone time, cherishing how it affects my overall peace and functioning.  In these early years as a therapist, the processes and flow among various cases, prove to me again and again my adoration for the field.  In part, I am reminded by so many clients that the power of being heard is an inherent right for each of us.  Through their shared stories, I continue to be sustained professionally, helping address strengths and barriers across a multitude of relationships and situations.

And so, these two disciplines of my life merge more intricately each day.  I sent a message to my husband back in 2016, exclaiming that I would open a private practice within the decade.  It was, in part, the enthusiasm of focusing on our joint ambitions, as well as putting out into the universe an idea – an idea that has so graciously led to my earlier-than-planned rendition of what is now, EmBodyed Tides.

And…it also sort of began with the social media outlet, Instagram (*eek).  My family had been involved with this platform, and it was funnily enough my mom who kept “tapping my shoulder” about participating in it.  “Okay,” I begrudged, but what’s in a name?  How would I generate a presence that felt genuine and centered around my occupational aims?  My love of the ocean is no secret; growing up on a coastal town seems to have cemented my way with salty waters.  It brings much peace and reflection, and yet I know of the sea’s powers.  I’m not sure exactly when or where, and I want to say it was late one evening in that sweet altered state of dropping into sleep, when I arrived at “EmBodyed Tides.”  From there, and through the auspicious symbolisms that grew out of it, I felt more and more certain…

Past, Present, and Future.
Physical, Emotional, and Mental.
The Tangible, Energetic, and Unconscious.
Sun, Moon, and Sky.
Mind, Body, and Spirit.
Id, Ego, and Superego.
Swells, Peaks, and Barrels.
Parents, Children, and Family.
A, U, and M.
Division of 9.
Triangles.
Sisters.

I believed so much in this conceptual song, and now it needed lyrics to be written.  Then, in settling on commissioning logo work this Spring, I was (benevolently) hooked up with a local PA designer.  Considering I never envisioned starting a business, you might imagine I never dreamed of being a part of the integrative process in branding, either.  Paige was receptive and intuitive, as I suppose a solid graphic artist need be, and she was so encouraging throughout.  She got it.  She got the power of 3.  With a few back-and-forth exchanges, it produced itself beautifully.

Each of us is engaging in a physical manifestation of the world.  It can cause disruption again and again – as will the human emotional experience, too.  We will always be riding these energetic waves that repeat, persist.  They do so, despite our greatest efforts in acknowledging insecurities or marking our personal achievements in the sands of time.  It is up to us to maintain the surf, knowing that regardless of its ebbs and flows, we are capable of persevering, too.  Through our support systems (family & friends).  Our bodies (lifestyle & nourishment).  Our relation to the divine (in whatever forms are significant for you).  These tools are conduits for your life.  When you need a reminder in how to find them, please feel free to come here and read.  Feel free to come and work with me at EmBodyed Tides.  I am here to listen and advocate for your true paths.  Thank you again, for your being here, too.

(*Stay tuned! Additional site improvements and expansion to happen in the near future!)

Usually when I write a blog post, I am diligent in drafting it through an external word application, making edits or revisions as I go, and saving it to my hard drive before submitting it to the “Internets” (as my sister calls it), in the hopes of archiving it auspiciously for years – no, decades – to come (although the intention of storing is probably only to be revered by yours truly).  Another reason for this multi-step process was due to realizations that even the seemingly vast, endless worldwideweb could have faults of its own.  That things might get lost or deleted forever.  That “www” may have such complications that affect its “seamless-ness,” in turn, possibly washing away all the proof of various sites, GIFs, videos, and millions of other images and thoughts that we upload and repost as a way to document our lives.

I know that this is not the case for each of us.  The blogs, the podcasts, the photos, etc.  Personally, I engage with a couple social media platforms – one more for personal content so that family living afar might encounter some nuggets of our daily living.  The other one is used for (and I gently deem it) more “professional” images, quips, and experiences – all of which actually stems from a personal place anyways, so perhaps my justification cannot really be made…

My overworked point here (how ironic), is that despite all of the booming technology, advances, speed, and depth to which we subscribe a good amount of our time and energy, we seem to have made things messier.  A memory of one such mess that I quipped over 7 years ago, was revealed to me recently, with the adage:  “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”  Now, I couldn’t tell you what I was referring to then, but it certainly remains a truth for me today.  The immediate gratification complex we’ve gained, in part due to the exhaustive exposé of everything that we are or have at all times online, seems to have coincidentally stripped of us whatever matters most from a truly deeper, core self.  I absolutely get caught up in the tumult of ‘liking’ or ‘commenting’ or ‘voyeuring’ my way through lapses of the day.  E.g. while parked at a red light (guilty), snuggling with my family on the couch, cooking, studying, or in between clients.  It’s a habit I acknowledge, but I won’t deem it all bad either.  Labeling faults doesn’t seem to help – that would merely pathologize and perpetuate the notion that I’m not permissible to be human or falter while engaging concurrently in self-awareness.

Someone replied to the memory with, “Sometimes complicated finds us.”  But does it?  Do our complications or struggles or otherwise negative perceptions of daily living confront and challenge us purposefully?  Or are these experiences genuinely neutral, approaching and awaiting our attached discriminations?  What if it is like Yogi Bhajan stated, “If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior towards you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.”  (WHOA.)

YES.  Life is really quite simple; life is like a mirror.  I’d argue that the reactions we have to daily hurdles are also a reflection of the state of our relationship to ourselves.  Could we be creating chaos, so as to feel human?  Do we make a negative out of nothing, to impose irrationally that we are invincible from an otherwise very natural state of suffering?  I don’t know the answer to this question as it applies to you.  But I know that I want to work on un-learning my way from this downward spiral.  I want to value my time at home, including the space in which I can encounter both quiet and noise, laughter and tears, wake and sleep.  I want to release the judgments of myself that I wear around my head and my heart, while simultaneously accusing others’ opinions of me to matter with similar weight.  I strive for what EmBodyed Tides has talked about before:  deliberate authenticity.  And embracing real pauses of time during my day where I might plainly smell the flowers, or breathe deeply.  To surrender most of the muck which ends up tight around my shoulder blades, to feel and be, rather than to desperately respond and do.

Loosen the grip of whatever you have tightly wound, and instead acknowledge the unfolding of your best self.  Explore and play like children do.  Know that your physical time here is fleeting, and thus, the strongest efforts in rooting into enriched experiences might just be by way of slowing everything else down.  Give yourselves a break today.  In whatever capacity that might be.

Do yourself a favor:  find your list of goals and dreams — be it typed up in a cryptic excel spreadsheet, or scribbled on a yellow legal pad — maybe it’s a pile of random sticky-notes that are stacked up on the nightstand.  Delete.  Cross out.  Throw away these lists.  YES, “delete the bucket list” is what I appear to be saying.  In whichever way yours might have been created (be it an actual list, notes in a journal, an app on your phone), go on and get rid of it.  Toss it aside and promise me this:  You will not live out life’s ambitions under the confines of a “LIST.”  Ah, see where I’m headed, now?

No, I would not actually want someone to rid themselves completely of visualized goals or intentions (e.g. there is a vision board in my bedroom).  In fact, putting such objectives out into the universe is a powerful tool and fundamental pillar of the controversial Law of Attraction, a premise to which I personally subscribe and often professionally encourage (in so many words).  Family therapy theorist, Virginia Satir said, “We can learn something new anytime we believe we can.”  And so, could we not also become something new anytime we believe?

Let’s magnify this metaphorically, of course.  What if your “list” could become expansive beyond all reason?  What if we create instead a “well” of dreams?  A “cosmos” of opportunities?  Ditch the container and do not be defined by an end.  Of course, do take whatever small steps are necessary to bulk up the intention, by way of concrete action.  Do not neglect the latter and vital component of the word “attrACTION.”  Chunking down goals into small steps, allows not only the actual manifestation of desired achievement in time, but sustains also a kind of residual, and effervescent feeling of hope – which itself can be a pretty remarkable entity that supports us in carrying on.  In carrying us forward with drive and motivation.  Perhaps towards other goals, perhaps towards other everyday things.  Hope, born out of goal setting, might just be one of the best prescriptions that we fill in our lives which can help manage fluctuations naturally endured as human beings.

To hope is to cope.  I have to assess the capacity of hope with clients on occasion.  It proves one’s ability to see ahead of themselves.  Not to be confused for a perpetual “looking forward” or relentless concern that bears anxiety or panic.  But hope?  Hope can indicate an intrapersonal strength and mark of seeing beyond one’s physical boundaries of the self.  I would propose then, that to dream is to be reverent.  And perhaps hope is a direct path towards this admiration.  If we have hope about ourselves and our intentions, perhaps in turn, we have for ourselves the highest form of self-devotion.  To generate this specific care and loyalty, towards the only person that you are surely spending the rest of your life with (aka: YOU), well that kind of love and affection is not to be ignored.  Cherish, nurture, and fill yourself with hope.  You and your dreams are unconditionally worth it.

Roughly two years ago, on one of my social media pages I proposed, “Distance makes the heart grow __________.”  It was an outreach intended for any/all friends or family to respond with their answer.  Or answers.  Some were comical, some more serious.  Some reactions were wise and others rhetorical.  A few from the experiment:

“grateful.”

“more complicated.”

“into a dilated cardiomyopathy.”

“antsy.  heavy.”

“period.”

What I’ve enjoyed the most all this time, is to go back and look over the submissions; especially and particularly when I feel like I am at a distance with myself.  When I feel as though there is a disconnect between what my physical body is doing (driving, emailing, adulting) and how my heart would prefer, no, yearn to be serving.  This disparity is not all too frequent, as I have been fortunate and proactive enough to build over the last few years a life that I want among my personal, professional, and energetic capacities (ongoing efforts).  I am so thankful to be experiencing my life as envisioned, almost daily.  Nevertheless, like the true depth of the human experience, I also engage in my fair share of wonderment.  Of curiosity.  Of doubt.  Of questioning the “enoughness” within my life.

Perhaps, instead of “distance” at the beginning of the sentence, we replace it with “difficulty” or “barriers.”  Whatever resistant-like quality or property that you might face, can you complete the phrase?  Would you answer it differently depending on the circumstances?

I’ve also pondered over these last couple of years, whether or not the same participants would answer in the same way, at any given point.  On the one hand, I’d like to think so.  That maybe each person replied from a heartfelt, core value, derived out of their upbringing, which ultimately floats atop all waves of change.  I’d also like to consider that some might alter their answers.  Perhaps the ones who initially offered up a little heartache have found some relief in love or other such nourishment.  That maybe those who weren’t so sure in the first place, have encountered more stability and understanding in their lives.  And maybe I’m just a vulnerable optimist always looking for the good in people.  (What, can you tell??)

Really, the answers only need to matter to that one.  To the one that writes it wholeheartedly.  Or to the one who reads it and thinks, “Yes!  How did that person know exactly how I feel?!”  Through this connection.  Through this human resilience.  Through this deliberate authenticity might we continue to build the bridges that join us.  Honoring that individual experiences and perspectives can continue to strengthen the web of our earth.  And that these threads can essentially improve our awareness of one another, thus narrowing whatever distance was there beforehand.

Dear friends,

For those of you who come here to read and absorb, or for those of you who pass it along to others for a chance to do so – thank you.  I have been writing this blog intermittently over the last 10 months, and will be approaching a time (I do hope!) in the very near future to make it even more of a consistent practice.

The practice being, the building out and care and maintenance of the website; in general and with more devotion.  This also includes the shift(s) of EmBodyed Tides moving towards a deeper, more professional venture as I have been working with a graphic artist for a legit logo (whahoo!) and am on the journey towards creating it as a business entity outright.

Thank you for all practiced patience in reading our posts, and for all of the upcoming changes, keep the positive vibes a-comin’!

With kindness,

C

Myth #1.  As a yoga teacher, I never lose my s___.

Well, you can imagine why this is a falsehood.  For example, just this morning, I am sitting in the dining room, writing a blog post as The Lion Guard blasts from the next room, and my toddler sits too closely to the television while home “sick” (as per a low-grade fever following yesterday’s nap at daycare).  Like many of us working parents, this sick day costs a lot more than “breathing into the change” of my routine.  Due to my (blessed, deliberate even-when-I-don’t-think-they-are) life choices, I had to cancel a couple clients (for which I will not be paid), while still covering his daily tuition despite his absence, and sometimes (though thankfully not today, *phew) paying a co-pay or deductible if said child is brought to the doctor.  Yes, financially, this parenting-sick-kiddos thing is no joke, and it takes me a while to negotiate the importance of snuggles over logistics.  His adorableness is helping move this along for me.  Breathing …

Myth #2.  As a therapist, I am completely present in every session.

Hmm, this one takes a little self-nudging to admit.  I try my damnedest, and most of the time am successful.  I could relinquish all my guilt and tell myself that presence simply does not appear the same in all instances, but that would only be Myth #2a.  When I was pregnant and doing counseling, at least then I had the physiological excuse of feeling fatigued, nearly falling asleep on rare occasion.  This happened especially when instances of silence occurred during session.  That quietness can be pivotal; silence allows us to observe our clients in a space they may not be familiar to:  Do they appear uncomfortable?  Complacent?  Anxious?  Pissed off?  Verbal cues and body language speak volumes even when words specifically are not exchanged.  However, my own negligence in staying wide-eyed-and-bushy-tailed incurred personal remorse, like I might have missed something altogether.  (Imagine back to when you may have dozed off in class, then snapped back to reality and found you missed half of the lecture.)  In the end, I am human right alongside you, and I do make it my mission to focus wholeheartedly on the content and process at hand.  And, thankfully, I have never actually caught “Zzs” in the middle of a client hour – though have heard of such experiences from some of my clientele.

Myth #3.  Writing is as therapeutic as sitting for meditation.

Let’s simply take this metaphor to be true depending on your orientation to writing and/or therapeutics and/or meditation and/or metaphors.  Personally, I find writing to be very calming and productive, though my mind is completely swirling most of the time.  I hit the keys and feel the rhythm and pulse of them dancing, which brings about a sweet vibration to my fingertips, palms, ears.  Meditation?  Again my mind is often swirling, but now it’s not as calming.  I wonder if as a practice, meditation done too infrequently may not allow the abundance of its benefits.  I make reasons not to commit, like some avid junk-eaters that refuse to choose healthier foods or exercise.  But isn’t that what we are all faced with by our life choices?  Multiple decisions every day that either we placate to or kindle based on our emotions and intentions?

Combating the myths.  The ones I’ve listed above don’t involve a fire-breathing dragon per say, though perhaps I hold the sword.  Ultimately, what I’m trying to relay to you is that we all have identities and experiences that drive us.  We are not solely defined by these identities – if we can prevent that from happening – because in my opinion, humans as a species are much more multidimensional than that.  Honor your strengths, weaknesses, and the in-betweens.  You contain a bounty of gifts, and I encourage you to release them unto yourself and the world.  Whatever obstacles you face, or barriers you believe hold you back, perhaps those are exactly what make you a most authentic self.  And we could use more of that right now.

It’s not about laziness.  Really.  Not in the way you think it would be.

Everyone’s got those days when they’re not responding to very much outside of a few cups of caffeine and pajamas.  Maybe some reality TV or cartoons are loaded up on the television or laptop, and there is only a slight intermission for an aft catnap or ordering out.  “How lazy,” some would say.  But what if that scenario is actually – and not only – the very best that someone can be doing in the moment.  And perhaps, their most necessary?

I am drinking wine while typing this blog, and will be ending it right after this paragraph, so that I can take out my next encyclopedia (FSI’s guide for taking the national MFT Licensing Exam) and add on to the pile of flashcards I began accumulating today in studying for the next venture.

Lazy?  Maybe.  Is that the worst thing I could be in the midst of truly, really, always doing my best with the resources I have available to me?  Nope.  And not the worst for you either.  (Okay – that was two paragraphs before ending said post.)  Be well.  Be kind to yourself.  Back soon with more on this.

I am a believer of many things.  Some of which you probably believe in, too.  (Family.  Friendship.  Kindness.  Learning.  Avocados.)  Some of which you probably do not, and that’s okay because we are all meant to support our own truths with deliberate authenticity (I know, not always easy to achieve).  I imagine however, that living authentically must mean that at times we need to challenge ourselves and evaluate some of the beliefs to which we are quite adverse.  To find compassion and energy in at least contemplating, if not quite understanding, another side or perspective.  Look back to the recent presidential election – a definite polar divide – and wherever along the spectrum you stand, perhaps you could ponder the rest of that range.  Reflecting on it to find some clarity.  To find some peace.  Although neither might have been found at this point…

In the Yoga Sutras, the term Pratipaksha Bhavana helps describe this concept.  It means to “cultivate the opposite.”  Other Ayurvedic content articulates it as “transferring awareness from a negative standpoint to a more positive one.”  In psychotherapy, a similar construct can be found in a technique known as Cognitive Restructuring – during which the therapist can offer an alternative explanation or perception of one’s experiences.  Re:  perspective.  We all see something differently in the mirror.

And I would not deny that what we each see reflecting back is our own reality (as written in prior posts on this blog).  But what we must do is try on a new tint once and a while.  If only to widen our scope in understanding further those things that we do believe, while also improving our ability in understanding slightly those things that otherwise we could not imagine.  I also think that working Pratipaksha Bhavana includes paying attention more to one’s own intuition.  We each have a fluttering in the belly that at times seems to speak more loudly than anyone else’s external voice; how much we tap into this mystical trait is dependent on several things, but certain tools can help develop it (e.g. meditation, journaling, trusting your gut).

Abraham Hicks relays, “When something feels off, it is.”  There is work to do when we are aiming to grow.  Some of that work stems from awareness and patience of the “ick” factors that initially seem to get in the way of daily living.  We might not want to consider the other sides of things/people/situations, but during those tough encounters, that is when blossoming happens.  And know that sitting with something uncomfortably does not mean living through something interminably.  Another allegory reminds, “every flower must grow through dirt.”  Allow yourself the opportunity to climb through the metaphorical sh*t once and a while.

That does not mean it is necessary or possible all of the time.  Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras and other spiritual texts present often an ideal philosophy, that certainly in my world feels too unrealistic.  Enlightenment?  Well, I’ll just say it’s not a fast-approaching destination for me at this point.  And I don’t know what conflicts you have.  But if you yourself don’t know what they are, perhaps you can start the work right there.  Work on building an awareness of adversities you experience and then begin diffusing any subsequent agitations.  Other guides (friends, family, teachers, counselors), they can help highlight what you might not see.  But trust your gut.  Therapy-friends, we ask clients to “trust the process” right?  Same rules apply.  Life is that process, and we can do the work of Pratipaksha Bhavana to help trust more fluidly.  To help develop compassion more fervently and understand more willingly.

So take that, Conflict, meet my 2017.  Another year with a more open embrace, open mind, and open heart.  Namaste.

Hello!

Friends and readers, I apologize for delay(s) in writing.  I am interested, motivated, determined to cultivate this space for honorings and teachings and stories and lessons of what(ever) EmBodyed Tides is to offer.  As in, let’s see what 2017 brings, and hopefully that is much for all of us!  As far as the end of this year goes, I am in the midst of another yoga teacher training with Blue Banyan Yoga, and much attention is to be spent there physically and mentally for a few months more – not for the faint of heart regarding this blog.  In this project, in this continual, community-driven space.  More to come on this notion, and more to come in general – soon!  My thanks for your patience.

Thank you for your returns to these pages.  I hope the Thanksgiving Holiday treated you kindly, filled you comfortably, and was in general a wonderful time.  Be well, and I will be back  ‘on’ shortly!